grandma and I are caught in Loops hi
it’s B I’m good how are you I live in
Los Angeles and I love it traffic’s bad
but it gives me time to think my name
it’s Beth I live in LA and it’s great
traffic I hate it it’s Beth Grandma my
name is
Beth it is a myth that goldfish have a 3
second memory scientist there is
evidence that many fish including
goldfish have memories that last months
if not years one goldfish will call him
Howard just because learn to associate a
specific sound with food and perform
tricks when cued by the sound even after
a f month break no offense to scientists
but it blows my mind that they
know so much about goldfish and so
little about dementia grandma is losing
her memory becoming a paranoid pool
string of racism and worry I am worried
that she has always been this person she
just forgot that she shouldn’t be
grandma is losing her memory and I am
losing my patience I begun to treat
grandma like a goldfish like a
decoration best admired from across the
room not to be removed from her fragile
enclosure like drown on dry land Grandma
used to give the best hugs but now she
clings on for dear life she hates when
people say goodbye but does not realize
that she is the one leaving grandma and
I are both forgetting all the time she
is forgetting my face and I am
forgetting the person she used to be I
forgetting a grandma who is not a bitter
bigot a chore whose words do not disgust
me I’m remembering the fear that I will
be next that hate will bore its way into
me like it did grandma or worse that it
is already here grandma is forgetting
her life and I am forgetting how to love
what she has become we are mourning
Grandma while she is still awake talking
about her and uncertain Whispers as if
she is an unhelpful Prosper clue and the
puzzle that is her life and where we fit
in and where it ends as if it hasn’t
already ended Grandma shows me death
while we are both living reminds me that
I’ll be
forgotten so I memorize the poem and
call it Legacy I miss my old grandma but
call the new one family I forget if I am
losing grandma or losing my
Humanity I catch Grandma in Loops
introduce myself with the unkindness of
pretending I’m somebody I’m not but the
kindness of pretending I’m somebody
worth remembering they say wisdom comes
with age but I think there is a wisdom
in knowing it doesn’t that it can depart
us at any time like a name on the tip of
a tongue Grandma cannot remember my name
does not recognize that I’m caught in
the same Loop she
is hi it’s Beth I live in Los Angeles
and sometimes I feel so
alone the traffic’s awful but it reminds
me that we’re all going somewhere my
name it’s Howard the
Goldfish I’ll remind you in three
seconds that I love
you
Transcribed from the video “Goldfish” by Beth May
About the poet Beth May
Beth May’s poem Goldfish is a poignant exploration of the unraveling nature of memory, as she reflects on her grandmother’s battle with dementia. Through the lens of love, frustration, and the inevitable loops of forgetting, May juxtaposes the scientific precision of a goldfish’s memory with the emotional fragility of her grandmother’s fading identity. The poem mourns a loved one who is still alive but slipping away, while also wrestling with May’s own fears of forgetting, becoming, and the generational echoes of love and loss. It is a raw, unfiltered conversation about what it means to remember someone—and to let them go.
Beth May, a poet, writer, and performer raised in Phoenix, Arizona, brings her deeply personal experiences to life through her evocative and emotionally charged works. Now based in Los Angeles, she continues to explore themes of identity, mental health, and relationships through poetry, acting, and storytelling. You can read more about Beth’s work, including her poetry book The Immortal Soul Salvage Yard and her spoken word album Sunday Scaries, on her author page.
