“14 Lines From Love Letters Or Suicide Notes” by Doc Luben
I
Don’t freak out
II
We both know this has been coming for a long time.
III
I’ve been staying awake at night, wondering if I should tell you.
IV
I bought the kind of crackers you can eat, they are in the hall cupboard.
V
Now that we have watched all the episodes of True Blood, I do not know what else to do next.
VI
I always imagined this would happen without warning and like suddenly on an ocean cliff side
But this is the kind of thing where waiting for the time to be right, would just mean waiting forever.
VII
I’ve just been too afraid for too long.
VIII
I came home on Tuesday and found all of the chairs that I owned stacked in a tower in the center of my kitchen.
I don’t know how long they have been like that,
but it can only be me that did it.
It’s the kind of thing a ghost might do to prove to the living that he is still there.
I am haunting my own apartment.
VIIII
My grandmother was still alive when I was five years old and she asked me to check and see
if the iron was hot enough yet. So I pressed my hand against it and it was red
and screaming for hours.
Twenty-five years later she would still sometimes
apologize, in the middle of conversations,
“I feel so bad about making you touch the iron” she’d say, as though it had just happened.
I cannot imagine how we forgive ourselves for all the things we didn’t say until it was too late.
But how else do you tell if something is hot but to touch it?
X
I keep imagining my furniture in your
apartment.
XI
I wonder how many likes this will get on Facebook.
XII
My dad always used to tell the same joke, but I can’t remember the punchline.
XIII
I was eight years old and it took three weeks, three eight-year-old weeks, imagine! To gather
everything that I would need to be Batman.
Rope.
Boomerangs.
A Mardi Gras mask with the beads cut off.
I couldn’t find a cave near my house,
so I buried them all in a bundle under the ivy.
For years after, I tried to find that spot again.
The ivy grew too fast.
I searched in so many spots it seemed impossible that I had missed one, but I never found it.
How can something be there and then not be there?
How do we forgive ourselves for all the things we did not become?
XIV
I never had the courage to buy bright green sheets.
I wanted them but thought they were too brash, even with no one but me to see them.
I bought a set yesterday and put them on the bed.
I knew that you would like them.
Transcribed from the video 14 Lines From Love Letters Or Suicide Notes by Button Poetry and Doc Luben.
Watch Doc Luben perform “14 Lines From Love Letters Or Suicide Notes” at the 2014 Individual World Poetry Slam in Phoenix, AZ
About the poet Doc Luben
Doc Luben’s poem “14 Lines from Love Letters or Suicide Notes” is a poignant exploration of the blurred lines between affection and despair, capturing the complexities of human emotion in a series of evocative statements. Each line stands alone yet contributes to a cohesive narrative that delves into themes of love, loss, mental health, and self-reflection.
Summary of “14 Lines From Love Letters Or Suicide Notes”
The poem is structured as fourteen standalone lines, each resembling a sentence that could be found in either a love letter or a suicide note. This duality creates a powerful tension, as readers are invited to interpret each line through the lens of both deep affection and profound despair.
Some lines convey mundane details, such as, “I bought the kind of crackers you like. They are in the hall cupboard,” while others delve into more introspective territory, like, “I cannot imagine how we forgive ourselves for all of the things we didn’t say until it was too late.” This juxtaposition highlights the coexistence of everyday life and inner turmoil.
Analysis: Navigating the Intersection of Love and Despair
Luben’s poem masterfully captures the ambiguity and complexity of human emotions. By presenting lines that could belong to either a love letter or a suicide note, he underscores how expressions of love and cries for help can often be indistinguishable.
The poem also touches on the theme of memory and the passage of time. Lines referencing childhood experiences and forgotten jokes suggest a longing for connection and understanding. The final line, “I bought a set yesterday and put them on the bed. I knew that you would like them,” implies a gesture of love that may also be a farewell.
Overall, “14 Lines From Love Letters Or Suicide Notes” challenges readers to consider the nuances of communication and the importance of empathy, especially in recognizing the signs of mental health struggles.
Discover More About Doc Luben
Doc Luben is a renowned poet and performer known for his emotionally charged and thought-provoking work. His poetry often explores themes of love, identity, and mental health, resonating with audiences across the country. To learn more about Doc Luben’s life, career, and contributions to the world of poetry, visit his poet bio page on AZPoetry.com.
